Blessings

8/31/14

Take my life, and let it be Consecrated, Lord, to Thee; Take my moments and my days, Let them flow in ceaseless praise, Let them flow in ceaseless praise. Take my hands, and let them move At the impulse of Thy love; Take my feet and let them be Swift and beautiful for Thee, Swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing Always, only, for my King; Take my lips, and let them be Filled with messages from Thee, Filled with messages from Thee.

Take my silver and my gold; Not a mite would I withhold; Take my intellect, and use Every power as Thou shalt choose, Every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine; It shall be no longer mine. Take my heart; it is Thine own; It shall be Thy royal throne, It shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love; my Lord, I pour At Thy feet its treasure-store. Take myself, and I will be Ever, only, all for Thee, Ever, only, all for Thee.

I have heard this hymn three times in the past week. (In my life, I have maybe heard a this hymn a dozen times.) 

First, at church in Seattle the day before we left. Second ambient music from a nearby house woke me at 4:45 the morning after we arrived. Third this morning at the end of our first church service in Malawi. 

First, tears came to me out of nowhere and then the words hit me secondly.  Yes, a hymn worth holding close to my heart. Second, I put the pillow over my head trying to muffle the sound so that I could go back to sleep.  After getting out of bed at about 5, I met Liam also rising unable to sleep.  Before I could get the words out to express my discontent with the music, Liam said “it is really beautiful music isn’t it?”  Third, today, a day that we met a group of very warm Christians at Blantyre Community Church service which continued into the afternoon at the pastor’s home for lunch and fellowship.

One does not get to Malawi without a story.  We have heard many stories already reflecting so many different passions and life circumstances.  Among these stories is a couple who came for a short term mission and has stayed for 28 years homeschooling their seven children who are now grown.  Part of their story has been growing a youth group that met in their home.  It had grown to ~40 kids but is now on hold after they lost their young life leader in a tragic road accident several months ago.  They have been praying for someone to come take a leadership role for this group.  I encountered this circumstance as I was speaking to the pastor’s wife on her porch about Bill’s professional history when a Frisbee with the YL (Young Life) logo came toward me from a small hill in their yard.  Is that a “Young Life” Frisbee?  Indeed, Young Life in Malawi, is in need of a leader. 

On the way home Liam spontaneously informed me that he likes this place and wants to come back here when he is grown.  Micah was happy that he has two more friends (including a 5 yo Micah) but worried about parasites that may have invaded his body through his filthy bare feet.  (This is a new paranoia for Micah.)

Our plan this afternoon was to get a few more things situated in the house.   Bill had the Chechewa dictionary open to look for the word for “knife.” His goal was to find some help to cut tubing that we need to hang our mosquito nets.  It turns out that he met a man named “Blessings” who will help him.  Blessings is also interested in helping Bill revive the vegetable garden that has withered and dried up.  Perhaps the two of them will also build a chicken coup… one of the passions Bill has developed since arriving. 

After I have my first run with a possible new running partner in the morning, I will start at the college of medicine tomorrow in the department of OB/GYN.

We have found Blessings today. 

First steps

August 28^th 2014

Yesterday was our long awaited departure from Seattle.  Our eight bags all weighed somewhere between 49.9 and 50.5 lbs  and our carry-ons slightly less than 15lbs.  Our house, ready to pass on to tenants was sparkling and uncluttered and we had said our last goodbyes to family and friends.  Each member of our family anticipated our upcoming 30 hours of flying differently.  Liam and Micah eagerly awaited limitless screen time, Bill said “I like flying because people bring you peanuts and stuff.”  I was wearing two pairs of compression socks to prevent DVTs and hoped to learn all about practicing medicine in Malawi.  As it turned out, Liam and Micah had a fill of movies, Bill ate airplane snacks to his hearts content and I did not get a DVT.  The boys were amazing, carrying bags, walking when they were tired and continuing to emote with happy noises and wrestling. 

Arriving in Washington DC at 4:30AM, I got into a line to receive our boarding passes.  Though I was the 12th person in line, it took me 2.5 hours to get to the front of the line. I was aware that the enculturation process was commencing for me. "We are sorry but out entire computer system is down" he told me as he wrote out a hand written boarding pass and called into command central for confirmation that we (and everyone else on the 737 jet) were confirmed on the flight.   The reader board reported the flight to be on-time (3 hours after we were supposed to board) and there seemed to be very little concern from the airline personnel about the ramifications of the delayed departure.  After a 12.5 hour flight we missed our connecting flight to Malawi by about an hour.  Because we could not wake Micah, we were the last to get off the flight and the last in line at the customer service desk.  To our surprise, we were given hotel vouchers and made our way into Addis Ethiopia to the "Top Ten Hotel" for the night.  It was an amazingly smooth transition. 

The taxi honked and swerved through the traffic as we all starred out the window.  Though tired, Micah’s eyes were taking it all in, Liam had his nose covered and Bill was making small talk in the accent he uses when talking to those whose first language is not English.  Burning garbage, exhaust and a familiar licorice smell that belongs to a tree that we have previously encountered on this continent filled my senses. We had arrived in Africa and I felt my amygdala--the part of the brain that associates smells with memories--turn on.  The feeling of strong emotion was present but the exact emotion was not identifiable at the time.  I knew that sleep had to come first and then I could try to bring the contents of the amygdala to the frontal cortex.  The amazing feeling of being able to lay flat when you've tried to contort your body into a sleeping position in a 2 ½  ft wide space for  24 hours made the unexpected layover a blessing.  We all followed Liam—who was giddy at the thought of being able to wash his stinky feet—into the cold shower. 

Micah’s first impressions. 

“Lots of buildings made out of sticks” – scaffolding made out of logs ~ 5-6 cm in diameter, precariously scaling unfinished 10+ story buildings.

“Many people are making bad decisions!”—He points to people walking in front of traffic and in the street, horns honking at bicycles inches away.

“No lines in the street, are these even streets?”  

“People speak a language that I don’t understand”

“A lot of people like the Oregon Ducks in Ethiopia” – referring to the green and yellow painted corrugated fences

“What is tribal” (Micah) – It is the people who are your close family and friends, your community. (Elizabeth).  “Who is our tribe?  Gramma, Grams, the Swanson’s, the Huffs?” (Micah)  “Sort of but we don’t really have a tribes like that in our country” (Elizabeth)  “But if we did would these people be in our tribe?” (Micah).  “Yes I suppose.” (Elizabeth)  Oh good.” (Micah)

 

Windy with a chance of rain

August 30^th

It’s a windy morning.  The trees are swirling outside of our window.  Its cloudy but I don’t think it is going to rain.  My mind as well is swirling.  I have the cloudy post-call feeling of lack of sleep plus the desire to process more than I am capable of, but I don’t think its going to rain.  Two nights ago, our first night in our home it almost did rain… from my spirit.  We arrived at about 2pm, were picked up from the airport by a woman who works for SEED--a very welcome face.  She had provided a minivan to transport our 8 50lb sausages to our home.   Walking through the door, uttering the words  “we are “home” was a relief.  Micah asleep more soundly than I have ever seen him, christened his bed with drool and Liam walked toward the corner of the living room, hiding his eyes dripping with tears.  Our home is spacious.  We stood in a large living room, and looked around at the dining room, kitchen and three bedrooms.  We have four living room chairs, a dining room table and chairs and three beds.  Our settling guardian K from SEED had brought for us some pillows, sheets and three small blankets, some milk, bread, peanut butter, water and cookies.

Though we had arrived, it was no surprise to me that Liam was emotional.  In a hug I asked him what was wrong “I miss home.” I am not sure what brought on the tears at that particular moment; perhaps it was the home that is grey and white concrete floors and walls.  Perhaps it was scene out the window for which he had no context. Perhaps the bars on the windows and guarded gate to the driveway or the people standing outside our house waiting for work.  Perhaps at that moment he was thinking of friends and family at home who he was not going to see in 10 months or the familiar places in Seattle that would be only a memory for what at this point would be an eternity.  Whether it was one or one hundred reasons, my heart broke for him.  And the only response that I could think of was “I miss home too Liam.”  I hugged him, he wiped his tears, smiled at me and embraced me.  I could feel him communicating, and then he said “we are going to be okay mommy.”  After a few still moments of looking around the house, it was time to go back out to pick up some more staples.  Bill stayed with the sleeping Micah.  Given his face pale with fatigue and eyes still moist, I nearly did not ask Liam if he wanted to come shopping.  To my surprise he jumped at the opportunity.  To “Shoprite” and “Game” we went.  Through the dull roar of shoppers and under the fluorescent lights of a warehouse sized store we filled our cart with everything from a bucket (“which always come in handy” per K) to utensils, a pot and some more food.  We changed money, bought a SIM card and 3 hours later headed back home before going out for an Indian meal with K. 

Over dinner we discussed K’s work in Uganda and her understanding of my work this coming year.  She had met with Martha and Luckson with whom I will be working and had just been with the other SEED volunteers Allana and Jessie in Mangochi.  She spoke of the clinical work of a family doctor in Malawi and the expectations to take call including for surgical OB.  She alluded to the fact that I might need to “brush up on my c-section skills.” 

Before our head could fall on our pillows we had to put up the mosquito netting which we did successfully for the boys and unsuccessfully for us.  Our heads were covered by a wedged drape leaving the rest of our body covered only by a small blanket and the collapsed net. Mosquitos, music, mosque calls and barking dogs rampaged our night and sleep was not successful.  Day number three of very little sleep, surrounded by unpacked bags, a mind full to capacity with insecurity about my upcoming job here, I was emotionally ready to pack up and go back home. 

Two things have been exceptionally helpful in the lead up to this:  One is “just keep swimming” – Dory from Finding Neimo.  It is hard to know what to do next when there is so much do to and so much that is ambigious.  The second is Liam and Micah.  Not only has their resilience far exceeded my expectations, but they seem to have joy without cause.  What is more striking is that my perception is that the purpose of their joy is for me. 

A series of events have taken place over the past 24 hours which has cleared some of the stormy weather of insecurity and uncertainty from my spirit.  I had a meeting with the two Family Medicine physicians in the College of Medicine.  We had dinner with a seasoned SEED volunteer who is our neighbor and we had tea today with a Dutch family who is starting their third year with three children.  Liam found his match with a 12 yo blond lover of everything football and Micah with a fellow bug lover.  Bill and I so enjoyed their company, admired their garden and chickens and soaked up invaluable information ranging from paying your electric bill to buying a car, to obtaining “bundles” for data, voice and messaging (all using separate codes), to the social interactions between Malawians and Expats in Blantyre.  In Blantyre, one does not rely on Google maps or the yellow pages, everyone knows someone who does the job or can get the thing.  People know what shops to go to and which shops are closing for a 5 week period of time.  I feel like an infant trying to learn the rules of being an adult in less than a week.   Everyone has been so incredibly generous assisting us but we are bound to make a lot of mistakes before we feel confortable with life in Malawi.

Though it seems that the Hutchinson family has a sense that feeling at home in Blantyre is within reach, doing what I came to do still feels distant.  In two days I will begin with an orientation required by the Malawian medical counsel.  This entails working in each of 4 departments (medicine, Peds, OB/GYN, surgery) for 1-2 weeks each.  The hope is that after the orientation I will be a candidate for a license and start the role of being an assistant to the faculty in the department.